Left Behind

As I drive up to the house, Tom meets me at the curb. He looks troubled. “Cheryl, do you have Andrew?”

“What do you mean?” It took only a couple of seconds for the realization to hit…”OH NO !!! I forgot about Andrew!”

It is the spring of 1994, and I am sitting in the bleachers watching Adam play baseball. About 3 nights a week we watch our boys play little league. They are 13. 10 and 6 ½ year old respectively and all on different teams. Forget about dinner around the table, unpacking the day with the family, story time or helping with homework. Family rhythms are all on pause due to baseball.

It is a wild time but I feel pretty confident that we have “all our ducks in a row”. Even though we have no family nearby, we devised a good plan to make it work. In order to keep track of our sons, Tom and I go our separate ways. Tonight, Tom is watching Alex play at one of the sports and rec fields. Andrew doesn’t have a game this evening, so he is coming with me to watch Adam’s game.

Pointing to an area on the grass besides the bleachers, Andrew says, “Mom can I go play with my friend over there?”   As I scope out the area, I am confident that I will be able to multitask watching the game and keeping Andrew in my sights at all times.  Just in case though, I confirm to myself that I know every person on the grass where he is playing.

I am always careful. I am more on guard than anyone I know. My time as a counselor of emotionally disturbed children, taught me that childhood innocence is fragile. Because those incessant stories left an impression, I am always on high alert.

Adam’s game is in an isolated back corner at the high school baseball field. It is a little creepy to me but, as always, we’ve got it all covered.

I notice that Adam is getting agitated with a heckler who is criticizing his every move as catcher. I’m not worried since Adam is pretty low key and doesn’t let this kind of thing get to him. He’s like his father in this way.

The boy’s failed attempts at bravado continue to escalate. Other parents notice and begin shouting, “Shake it off Adam!”

Finally, Adam takes off his catcher’s helmet while turning around, throws it down and squarely faces the taunting boy. “Do you want to settle this right now?” he shouts.  

I freeze, shocked at my son’s response and say to myself, “So this is puberty!”

I am letting the ref and his coach handle it. It looks like no intervention is needed. Adam puts his mask back on. I guess I am the only one surprised by this.

While Adam and I walk to the car following the game, I decide this is a good teaching moment. As we drive home, I plan some to ask him about his outburst. I will ask some probing questions like why does he think the boy was trash talking to him. Does he understand that his heckler was just trying to be cool? Can he show mercy to the boy?

As we drive, I learn that Adam has nothing to say about the incident and has no thoughts about at all. In fact he is completely over it….. completely.  It’s like it never happened. Sheesh! As hard as I try, I cannot get any discussion going… so much for teachable moments.

As I drive up to the house, Tom meets me at the curb. He looks troubled. “Cheryl, do you have Andrew?”

“What do you mean?” It took only a couple of seconds for the realization to hit,…”.OH NO !!! I forgot about Andrew!”

“I left our baby at that creepy field and it is now dusk.” I feel the panic begin to rise.

Tom interrupts me before a complete melt down. “It’s ok. It’s ok. I got a call and someone saw Andrew crying in the parking lot. They are bringing him home.

Apparently, all my ducks are NOT in a row. In one evening my easy going, cool headed, oldest son invites a peer to fight in front of everyone at a baseball game. Then I leave my baby at the high school to fin for himself. So maybe I’m not on top of it all, especially when living a distracted life.